


Breaking The Faith

by hummingmetallica



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Cults, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Brainwashing, Canonical Character Death, Cults, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Teenage Rebellion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2637881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingmetallica/pseuds/hummingmetallica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Deans hand rested on his arm lightly. "I'm sorry, man." His touch sent sparks flying down Castiel's spine, making his stomach clench painfully, so anxious that he was getting dizzy with it.<br/><em>Oh please Heavenly Father,</em> he prayed silently,<em> do not test me like this. Not with him.</em>'</p><p>Castiel Novak was born and raised in the Crick, headquarters of a church community that completely isolates themselves from the outside world to protect their members from evil.<br/>And to keep their mostly illegal practices a secret.</p><p>He is an FLDS poster child, knows how to follow the rules and to keep himself pure. -</p><p>- Until Dean Winchester happens, and shows him a whole new world he didn't even know existed.</p><p>((CURRENTLY ON HIATUS: WILL BE UPDATED IN  THE FUTURE))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Indroduction

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is named after the TLC reality show about young girls escaping the cult. 
> 
> I chose not to use Archive warnings because my interpretation of the Underage warning is a person over the legal age of consent having sexual relations with an underage person. Which doesn’t apply to this fic. But if you are generally uncomfortable with any sexual content involving people under 18, this might not be the place for you. You have officially been warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple roundup of the religion Cas is stuck in. Please do not skip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to address a few things before we jump into the story, since the situation Cas is in might be a little bit confusing. Not a lot of people have heard of the Religion I’m going to describe in this and I also don’t want to go into explicit detail every time me (or Cas) mention something about it, so I really suggest you read this.  
> Don’t worry this isn’t school, I’m not going to give you an overly long and over informative lesson on the topic, I’m just going to quickly explain the parts of it that are relevant to this story.

Cas‘ family is part of the FLDS, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which is a Mormon Fundamentalist cult. He was born and raised in this community.

 

LOCATION/HISTORY:  
This fic plays in Colorado City, Arizona and it's twin city Hildale, Utah, (formerly known as Short Creek. Locals call it "the Crick") which was known to be the base of the FLDS up until 2004. It was founded by the sect in 1913 and is still estimated to be the most FLDS populated town. Other city’s that are known for being home to members of the church are Elorado, Texas, and Bountiful, British Columbia.

Since the purchase of land now called the Yearning for Zion Ranch 6 miles (9.7 km) northeast of Eldorado, Texas, there appears to be a shift in the headquarters of the church. But it’s pretty much unconfirmed, the members are very secretive and since their leader and prophet has been arrested in 2006, everything seems a little wonky and they are even more closed off.

For the purposes of this story, we will ignore the arrest of the church leader and all his offenses and pretend Colorado City/Hildale is still the main hive. This cult is already fucked up enough, no need to add child molestation to the list. Just look it up, this guy is seriously so disgusting I really can’t bring myself to write about it.

I’m also not going to mention him by name, so he’s going to be replaced as a character by Metatron, minus the raping underage girls.  
Also, something seems to be happening since June 2014 to stop the cult from getting away with illegal activities, but that didn’t happen in here as well.

 

PRACTICE/BELIEF:

Now we’re getting to the interesting part, the practices and beliefs of the church.

Polygyny: The FLDS Church teaches the practice of plural marriage, which states that a man having multiple wives is wanted by God. In order for a man to receive the highest form of salvation he should have a minimum of three wives. Wives who are nothing but obedient and submissive. They are taught to give themselves to a man completely, body and soul, to never disobey and to never tell their husband “no”. Basically sexism at it’s finest.

The church currently practices placement marriage, whereby a young woman (most likely underage) is assigned to a husband by revelation from God to the leader of the church, who is regarded as a prophet. The prophet elects to take and give wives to and from men according to their worthiness. This is also called the law of placing.

Sometimes girls even younger than 15 get married to men way past 30. Sometimes to their cousins, uncles, or other farther relatives.

Their first prophet was married to over 75 wives and had fathered over 60 children. A normal family includes 1 husband, 3 wives and 10+ children.

 

Appearance: Women do not cut their hair or wear makeup, trousers, or any skirt above the knees. Cutting their hair is considered wicked, since they need it to be long to wash their husband’s feet in heaven. Women and girls usually wear monochromatic homemade long-sleeved "prairie dresses," with hems between ankle and mid-calf, along with long stockings/undergarments underneath, and keeping their hair braided up.

Men wear plain clothing, usually a long-sleeved collared shirt and full-length trousers.

Men and women are forbidden to have any tattoos or body piercings.

 

Race: They do not allow people of color into their community. Quote: “The black race is the people through which the devil has always been able to bring evil unto the earth."

Excommunication: The FLDS is known to excommunicate their members for various offenses. Boys get kicked out for dating or listening to rock music. Some former members claim that the real reason for these excommunications is that there are not enough women for each male to receive three or more wives.

School: Most of the children don’t get more than a grade school education. They are protected by Utah’s home schooling law’s, meaning the state isn’t allowed to control what parents are teaching their kids. In 2000, the church ordered their members to pull their children out of public schools, which only a small percentage of them were attending to in the first place. Most boys start working at the age of 6-10. Some of them never learn how to read or write. The children of the FLDS aren’t taught about evolution, science or anything remotely useful in the real word. Their main focus is on religious studies, every textbook used has to be approved by the head of the church.

Girls are taught from a very early age that their only goals should be to be a good housewife, a good sister-wife, and a mother to as many children as possible. The community has their own hospital, without any licensed doctors, to make sure the outside doesn’t get wind of women mass-producing children.  
Mothers are discouraged to kiss or hug their children, the only person that should make the child feel valued is the father or the prophet.

 

People that escape or are forced to leave the sect, leave with no education and no real knowledge of the real word, thinking everything outside of their sacred hometown is evil and wicked and will lead them to damnation.  
Members of the FLDS are brainwashed into being terrified of the outside world, and listening to their prophets every word. It’s a cult of mind control, manipulation and abuse and the worst part is that most of them don’t even understand what’s being done to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure as hell no expert on any of this, and I bet a lot has changed over the years, but I’ve done my fair share of research, and kind of just wrote it the way I interpreted it. I doubt that anyone that reads this could be able to tell me which parts I got right or wrong, but If you have different view on any of the themes of the FLDS I’m going to approach in the story, I’m sorry, I hope it doesn’t bother you too much. 
> 
> Any gaps that occurred, I filled with things of my own imagination, so please don't take this as a 100% valid guide. I try to be as accurate as possible but I'm not all-knowing, unfortunately. 
> 
> Now that we put that behind us, enjoy reading!


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal, well, actually maybe not so normal, day in Castiel's life

"Castiel, wake up." A cold hand shook him softly. "Brother, breakfast is almost ready. Our mothers will get upset if we don't get the children down in time." Castiel opened his eyes, slowly blinking away his tiredness. His whole body felt sore and stiff from all the hard work he had done the day before, construction on a new house that was being build for a family that was getting too big for their current residence.

He sat up and groaned at the way the muscles in his back ached, his hand reaching to massage one of the sore spots.

Samandriel arched an eyebrow at him. "That bad? I wondered why you weren't the one urging me to get up today." Castiel sighed, immediately feeling guilty about neglecting his usual morning routine.

"Don't make that face. You deserved those ten more minutes of peace." Samandriel said lightly, causing Castiel to frown. "What and I do and what I don't deserve is not for us to decide." He said, ignoring his younger brother rolling his eyes.

 

 

He got out of bed, gulping down any sounds of pain that wanted to escape him, and glanced around the room. He shared a room with 4 of his brothers, the ones he shared a mother with. Gabriel, Castiel, Samandriel, Jamiel and Daviel.

Daviel, the youngest, was still sound asleep while Gabriel was busy getting dressed.

He walked over to his brothers bed, not without glaring at Samandriel one last time, ordering to go and see where Jamiel was, and tried to wake the boy up as softly as possible, knowing that he was anything but a morning person. He eventually managed to sweet talk the grumpy 3 year old out of bed, helping him get ready to go downstairs before he took care of himself.

Technically, Gabriel was the oldest of his blood brothers, but Castiel had taken the duties of the eldest upon himself a long time ago, since he was pretty good with children and Gabriel was having a harder time than him preparing for Priesthood.

 

 

Mornings in the Novak household were stressful and hectic, 19 kids running around the house, getting ready for the day.

Castiel quickly got dressed, a pair of black trousers with a light blue button up, and washed up quickly, brushing his unruly hair and his teeth, while bumping elbows with Hael and Hannah, who were trying to do the same.

 

 

As soon as he was finished, he went down the hall to knock on the door of the rest of his brothers, the children of his father and his first wife. Balthazar opened the door, his cold eyes meeting Castiel harshly, just like every morning.

In a good mood, he was a great brother and a good friend, but most of the time he seemed to hate everything and everyone around him, taking after their older brother Lucifer. Castiel prayed for both of their souls.

"Are you and Gadreel ready for breakfast?" He asked, unbothered by Balthazar's piercing glare. As Balthazar didn't answer him, he peeked into their room. He ignored the two bare beds that once belonged to Michael and Lucifer and checked the ones that were still occupied by his brothers.

Gadreel, currently struggling to straighten his duvet, turned around and met Castiel's eyes. He was pleased to see that he seemed indeed ready to go. A huge grin spread on the young boys face, gesturing for Castiel to enter.

Brushing against Balthazar slightly without meeting his eyes, he walked into the room. "Do you need help with that, Gadreel?" He asked and his younger brother nodded enthusiastically. "Yes please, Cassie." He answered sweetly and together they worked on making his bed.

When they were satisfied, Castiel ruffled Gadreel's hair softly and sent him to the bathroom. He glanced over at Balthazar's bed, which looked like his would after a hurricane, and sighed loudly, turning his head to look at his brother, who was still standing by the door, seemingly waiting for Castiel to get out. "Would you please fix your bed and bring Gadreel downstairs with you after?" He asked kindly, waiting for an answer. All he got was a short nod of acknowledgement, which was more than enough for him.

"You have five minutes." He added sternly before leaving the room and walking back to his own.

 

 

His brothers had all gotten ready and made their beds while he was gone and he was surprised to see that even his own bed was neat. "You're welcome." A small voice next to him piped up, causing Castiel to jump slightly. Jamiel giggled and Castiel smiled fondly, placing his hand on the bony shoulder of the 10 year old. "Thank you." He said, squeezing gently.

He let go of his brother, walked to the door and commanded everyone out of the room, closing it behind him when everyone was in the hallway.

Gabriel, Samandriel and Jamiel made their way downstairs immediately, while Daviel walked over to Castiel and grabbed his hand, pulling him along. He didn't like walking the stairs by himself because he was small and had tripped once, falling down and hurting his arm.

Castiel allowed their youngest brother to lead him down the stairs into the kitchen, where their mothers were still busy setting up the table.

 

 

"Good morning!" Mother-Rachel greeted them, causing the other two wives to turn around to look at the first group of kids that had entered. A proud smile spread on their birth-mother Asariel's face as she saw that it was her boys that had showed up the earliest.

"Good morning Mother-Rachel, Mother-Naomi, Mother." Castiel answered politely, addressing each of them separately. "Sit down and wait for your siblings, kids. You're in the way." Mother-Naomi said strictly, the boys obeying without question, taking their places at the long table.

The next to arrive where Balthazar and Gadreel, the girls always taking a little longer than the boys, having to braid up their long hair before leaving the upper story. But eventually they did come down, the younger before the older ones, because they assisted their sisters with their hairdo before doing theirs.

Hael and Hannah came down first, each carrying the youngest members of the family, 4 month old Esther and 1 and a half year old Claire. First and second born of their fathers newest wife, Mother-Rachel, who had only been with them for a little less than 2 years now.

Chantiel followed shortly after, carrying 2 year old Sophia down the stairs and helping her into her chair while Hael and Hannah placed the babies in their high chairs.

Next came 12 year old Hester, 6 year old Mariel and 7 year old Loriel on each of her hands.

Lastly, Anael, Adina and Muriel; 17, 18 and 16, walked into the kitchen, gossiping about something nobody else really cared about this early in the morning.

 

 

Now, with all 19 kids ready to properly start the day, the 3 sister-wives started serving breakfast.

As soon as everyone had food on their plate, the mothers sat down as well. Their father was still missing, so the responsibility of the morning prayer fell onto the first wife of the home. Mother-Naomi.

"Let us pray." She announced and everyone took their seat neighbours hand immediately. "Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. We thank you for our family. May we all serve you with grace, hard work, obedience and humility. Thank you for the prophet, In his name we pray, amen." She spoke.

"Amen." Everyone else echoed.

 

 

Eaten was mostly in silence since holding a conversation with 22 people in one room was pretty much impossible. But that didn't mean nobody spoke, everything that had to be said to get everyone through an organized day, was said, and once in a while one or another question was asked.

"Where is father?" Anna asked quietly. Castiel was grateful for her concern. He had wondered as well as he'd noticed that the spot at the head of the table remained empty, curiosity prickling on his skin. His father wasn't known to miss family meals.

His mother cleared her throat. "He has important business to attend. It looks like God has finally chosen to honor some of our girls with the gift of marriage." she spoke softly. And Castiel watched as the 3 oldest girls visibly stiffened. Adina and Muriel looked positively surprised while Anna just seemed...tense.

Castiel frowned, displeased with his sisters reaction. He didn't quite understand why she wasn't happy about maybe finally being considered worthy enough to be the mother of a family, the wife to a husband. He knew everyone else had already started to wonder what the young Novak women had done to not have been granted their salvation yet.

The Novak family held a high position in the church, was considered royal blood, since his father was a brother of the prophet. Castiel knew that that meant his sisters were considered very desirable and worthy wives, who were expected to be placed into a new home as soon as they turned 15. Or even earlier. The prophet had taken wives that were even younger than 13 at the day of the wedding.

But for his oldest sisters that never happened, and people had started wondering why.

Mother-Naomi beamed with bride. "It turns out that the prophet himself has expressed interest. In all three of you." Gesturing to Anna, Adina and Muriel.

Muriel and Adina's jaws dropped, while Anna's clenched tightly. "Uncle Metatron, really?" she said, not managing to conceal her discontent. Mother-Naomi grimaced at her reaction.

"Keep Sweet, Anael. At all times." she lectured and Anna forced herself to relax. Deflating under the judgmental looks she was being assaulted with.

"This is a great honor to our family. The prophet himself wanting to take more than one wife out of our household is a wonderful thing, Anna. Your Uncle Metatron is not only your fathers brother, he is also God on earth, do not forget that. And if it's the Lords will to have you marry the prophet, then that is how it is going to be. Or are you doubting His decisions?" Asariel reasoned, Castiel 100% agreeing with his mothers every word.

Anna shrunk back even more. "No, of course not." She answered weakly. "All is well then," Mother-Naomi said "I hope you can express a little more joy concerning this topic in the future, after all, God is considering giving you to the man he considers most important. You are very lucky."

Anna nodded, managing a small smile that even seemed to be somewhat sincere.

 

 

The rest of the meal was spent in silence, Mother-Naomi letting them go with a, "Children, you are excused." as soon as everyone was finished.

The 3 soon-to-be-prophet-wives stayed behind, probably to ask some more questions, while everyone else left the house.

 

 

It was Gabriel's turn to bring the youngest children and the girls under 14 to community school, and Castiel's to bring all the boys over 6 and under 16 to work. Only Jamiel and Samandriel currently fit into that category. He dropped them off at the fields outside the farm land, handing them over to the men that needed the assistance.

At home, their mothers were left with the kids too young for school; Sophia, Claire and Esther while Anael, Muriel and Adina went to work. The girls helped out at the birthing center, library, or the local dressmaker.

When they weren't working, they stayed home to help their mothers and learn how to become good housewives.

Gabriel, Castiel and Balthazar, worked some days and went to Priesthood school on others. Today, Castiel and Balthazar, who attended the same class, had neither. They were given a free day to study for the upcoming exam, so Gabriel left by himself.

 

 

Not ten minutes after everyone was where they are supposed to be, Castiel had his nose buried in his book about Priesthood history.

He decided to go outside, using the fresh air and the soft warmth of the morning sun to clear his head and to help him concentrate. He sat down on the low brick wall that fenced in part of their property, and started to read.

 

 

"Cassie!" Balthazar called out after a while, sitting on the grass in their front yard with Claire, a toy in front of them.

Castiel tore his eyes of his book to look at them and saw that Balthazar had tried to get him to notice Sophia, who was rushing towards him, that cute little childish bounce in her step making Castiel smile. She looked adorable today.

She had her mothers warm brown hair; fine, but already an impressive length for such a young little lady, braided up in a french braid. And similar deep piercing blue eyes like Castiel himself.

Her walk was still a little unsure, even though she had been a fast learner when it came to it and almost tripped over her navy blue prairie dress. When she reached him, she lifted her arms and made grabby hands, demanding to be lifted up. Castiel laughed and grabbed her by her torso, right under her arms, and carefully pulled her up onto the wall with him. "Cassie." she said, eyes sparkling. "Memory game."

Castiel exhaled soundly. "'Play is unproductive.'" He quoted the things he's been taught since he was old enough to be useful. Sophia pouted. "Memory game!" she exclaimed, a little more force behind her words than before. Castiel bit his lip, he just couldn't say no. One game surely wouldn't hurt. "Fine, let's go get it." he said, clapping his hands together and Sophia squealed in delight. He slid off the wall and grabbed his sister, hiking her up on his hip and carried her inside to get the game out of the shelf in the living room.

 

 

They returned to the wall just when Sophia started getting heavy, and placed her back on it. He sat next to her, leaving a little bit of space between them to spread the cards.

He left a few ones out, since his sister wasn't old enough to remember everything. He only kept the cards that showed members of his family, leaving the other households out of the game for now.

He placed the first card on the wall between them. Showing the image of Zachariah Novak. "Daddy!" Sophia answered proudly and Castiel nodded, approving of her answer.

He placed down the next 3 cards. Their mothers. "Mommy." Sophia said, tapping the image of Mother-Naomi with her tiny pointer finger. Castiel nodded again. "Momma-Asaf'iel" she said, pointing at Castiel's mother and then "Momma- Ray'hel" as she moved on to the last card.

Castiel poked her cheek. "Very good!".

Now they were getting to the hard part, which was, naming all their siblings and ordering them to the right mothers. Sophia had no issue with the names anymore but she still found it very difficult to tell which child came from which mother.

Castiel reminded her of the biggest clue once again. "Remember, everyone whose name ends with -iel belongs to the mother that ends with -iel."

But even that didn't help much. She got about half of it right, so she still did a pretty good job. Castiel corrected her mistakes and then put everything back into the box, sending her off to bring the game back to where they got it from.

She didn't bother him again.

 

 

A few hours later, the sun started to get too hot and he went back into the house with the intention to continue studying there. But as he walked into the hallway towards the stairs, he almost tripped over a box that hadn't been there the last time he'd walked through.

He lifted the lid of it to peek inside, a picture of a very familiar face grinning up at him. "Castiel." The voice of his mother said from the bottom of the stairs that lead into the basement.

Castiel looked up, meeting her steady gaze and noticing another box she held in her hands. "Is that L-",

"Do not mention his name in this house." his mother interrupted him before he could finish his question.

"It that his stuff?" he asked instead.

His mother hesitated. "Yes. And the pictures of him we aren't allowed to hang up anymore. Naomi thought it best to get them out of the house." Castiel blinked. "Everything? We can't even keep one little thing that will remind us what he looked like? To remember him?" His mothers face hardened. "We are not supposed to remember him. He chose sin over family. He is damned, marked as Satan's property, a son of perdition. He can never go back. He won't ever come back. I will not let his memory stain the faith of my children. Balthazar is already developing similar characteristics. We need to wipe of that dark stain off our past and forget it ever happened and that is what we are all going to do, am I understood?" she said, voice firm but calm.

"Of course, mother...may I ask what he did wrong?" Castiel questioned. The silence stretched for few seconds too long. "No, you may not." his mother answered, ending the conversation.

 

 

After that, Castiel couldn't go back to focusing on his studies, no matter how hard he tried.

Lucifer had been excommunicated 2 years ago. Castiel had been 15 and watched his brother go his own way. He had always seemed more closed off and less invested in the church and the lifestyle than other members of their family, but Castiel had never noticed him breaking any rules. The day he was kicked out of the the Crick was a complete surprise to everyone in town, including his siblings. He was forced to pack a bag and leave everything behind. Up to this day, no one had told them what Lucifer had done to deserve it.

It was a shock to their people, that someone from the prophets bloodline had been lead to sin, had been corrupted by evil and claimed by the devil.

Castiel's family prayed for God to restore their family's worth and honor, and God had heard their pleas.

Through the prophet he assigned Michael, their fathers firstborn, a wife for is 18th birthday. It was incredibly unusual for a young man to get married, since the older men in higher position earned themselves most of the young women that are ready to be wed.

But Michael got the honor of starting life with his first wife, barely out of Priesthood school. Which earned him, and their family, a lot of respect. He also gave another young wife to their father, Rachel, which assured him the highest form of salvation is his kingdom in heaven.

Lucifer's excommunication was quickly forgotten.

 

 

Castiel finally accepted that he wasn't going to get any more studying done until he cleared his head, so he slammed his scriptures shut and walked out of his room, out of the house, joining his siblings outside.

Balthazar was holding Claire's little hands, supporting her while she walked around. Sophia, eager about being the big sister, shouted encouraging words at her, clapping and cheering, which made Balthazar and Claire laugh loudly. It was nice to hear his siblings having fun. They seemed so cheery and playful that way.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with his mother, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut. "Balthazar. May I speak with you for a second?" He called, catching their attention. Balthazar's brows furrowed, face full of confusion. "Sure." He said, putting Claire down into the grass. He spoke softly to her and Sophia for a second, too quiet for Castiel to understand, and walked over to him, one eyebrow arched high.

"What's up?" he asked, curiosity glinting in his eyes. "I just talked to Mother-Asariel. She mentioned something that I thought you should know." Balthazar's eyebrow climbed higher, urging Castiel to continue. "She.... compared you to -" he gestured with his hand wildly, hoping Balthazar would catch on. " -, she seemed worried." he finished and took a shaky breath, waiting for Balthazar to react.

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked. "To warn you? I don't know. Should I not have told you?" Balthazar shrugged instead of answering.

"You don't have to worry, brother. I'm not on my way to get myself a first class ticket to hell like... him. I'm not that reckless. Or that desperate." he said and Castiel tilted his head slightly. "You make it sound like you know what he did." He accused, making Balthazar grin widely.

"I do, actually." Castiel's heart sped up, his fingers twitching. He wanted to know what Lucifer had done. Badly. But his mother would surely disapprove. Part of him wanted to be obedient and loyal to the woman that had brought his spirit into this world, but according to the church, he was already of higher status than her. So from that point of view, he could disobey her commands. It's not like she would ever find out, since she generally refused to talk about Lucifer altogether.

Thankfully, Balthazar made his decision for him. "He was caught pleasuring himself in the bathroom. The church declared him an immoral person and sent him away. End of story. I bet that's a lot less dramatic than what you expected, right? Especially since everyone does it." he said and Castiel flinched. "No! I don't, and the others don't do that either. It's a sin. Sexual pleasure is for procreation, nothing more!" He reminded his brother, anger twisting inside of him.

He couldn't believe that Balthazar would openly admit to such a thing. Castiel was now bound to tell someone about it and it would be his fault when another member of his family would get excommunicated. If he didn't tell, he was sinning himself and was risking his own place in the church if anyone ever found out that he had known.

 

 

Suddenly he was furious. Furious that Balthazar had put him into this position. Furious that he had absolutely no Idea what was the right thing to do. He stormed off, away from their house, before his brother could open his mouth again. He had to get the kids from school anyways.

He arrived a little early, still angry and tense, unable to blow off steam. He had to wait a little while before his siblings came walking out of the building together. Banning all thoughts involving Balthazar from hid mind.

He counted them quickly, checking that nobody was missing, and greeted them happily, forgetting his frustration for a while. Little Daviel hugged his legs, excited to see him and Castiel cooed, running his hand through his brothers hair.

His bad mood vanished, driven away by the happy smiles and chatter of his siblings.

 

 

They had just arrived in their street when Castiel spotted a familiar vehicle. A white pickup truck which he recognized as part of the God Squad. Town security.

The God Squad made sure that the Crick remained peaceful and quiet. They patrolled throughout day and night, making sure everything stayed in order and observed any outsiders that dare to drive into their city, making sure they don't do any damage and get back out as quickly as possible.

When they were younger, one of the first things their elders taught them about was the outsiders. That they were all sinners and destined to burn in hell for eternity.

When someone from the outside entered the city, they were all supposed to go home as soon as possible and stay in the house until it was safe again. Never talk to them, and never give anything away.

They do everything they can to prevent another raid from happening. The story of the Short Creek raid is something every member of their church knows about. That one morning in 1953 when the policemen from outside came and took 263 children away from their mothers, and arrested their fathers, tearing families apart. Most of the children weren't allowed back until 2 years later, some parents never got custody back.

A cold shiver ran down Castiel's spine when he thought about his siblings and him being taken away. Being forced out into land where they were all by themselves, surrounded by wrongness, unable to trust anyone.

Nobody should ever have to leave the Crick.

 

 

He walked by the truck with his siblings, peeking into it to greet the driver. He recognized him immediately. Brent Steed, part of another big and well respected family of their community. Mr. Steed started talking before Castiel could even open his mouth. "You kids are the Novak children, right?" He started, not waiting for an answer, because it wasn't necessary to ask in the first place. He knew very well who Castiel and his siblings were.

"Get home quickly. Someone from the outside just drove into Colorado City." Castiel froze. This didn't happen much. Either way, it was someone with cameras to spy on them, or they came with the intention of taking someone out with them.

 

Castiel nodded stiffly. "Thank you for the warning, Mr. Steed." He said before turning around to address his brothers and sisters, barking out. "We have to hurry, come on." Urging them to walk faster. "You're welcome, kid." Mr. Steed called after them and Castiel turned to him once more, waving goodbye before he focused on getting the children home as soon as possible.

 

 

When they arrived at the gateway that lead to their house, Castiels shoulders sagged with relief. He was just starting to smile again and sent the children inside when a car honked behind him, making him jump. When he turned around, his heart skipped a beat. The car was something he had definitely never seen before. So was the man behind the wheel. "Hael." He hissed quickly. "Get everyone inside. Now!" He gave his sister one last glance, trying to ignore the fear in her eyes before turning to look at the stranger once again.

Daviel was clinging to his leg, his face buried in the fabric of his pants. "Can you help us out for a second, kid." The man addressed him. Castiel did his best to look tough, ignoring the man and lifting Davi up into his arms. 'Do not talk to outsiders.' his fathers voice ringed in his ear.

He turned around, walking towards his house. "Hey!" The man called loudly, trying to get his attention once again, just when Balthazar came out of the house.

"Get back inside." He demanded, but Balthazar ignored him. Walking into their front yard, close enough so the man could understand him. "What do you want?" He asked. "Do not talk to outsiders!" Castiel yelled harshly, startling the man in the unfamiliar car as well as his brother.

"Oh, but we aren't." A different voice said and a woman exited the car. Her hair was braided up in a classical way; he had seen his mothers with it many times before, and she wore the same type of dress all the females in the Crick did. She did indeed not look like an outsider, but Castiel was still wary, she could still be an apostate.

"Who are you then?" Balthazar asked, and the woman smiled. "My name is Kate Winchester. This is my husband John. We are from the community down in Bountiful, British Columbia. We recently lost my sister-wife, that's why we came here. For a new start. Us moving is approved by our bishop, and we're looking to talk to the prophet."

Balthazar nodded thoughtfully before giving her the address she needed to get her business taken care of. "Thank you boys." She said and got back into the car, driving away. Daviel started to squirm in Castiel's arms, so he put him back on the ground, letting him run into the house.

 

 

"What was that?" He asked, finally finding his voice again.

Balthazar shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see what happens to them. They might actually move here." Castiel shook his head. "They didn't mention any children." He realized. "They were people in the backseat." Balthazar said, not sounding sure of it either.

"Well, with that car, there is no room for more than 3. What kind of family with 2 wives only has 3 children?" He asked.

Balthazar shrugged again. "Cassie...About earlier,-" Castiel raised a hand. "No. Not now Balthazar." He interrupted. "My head is so full I feel like it is going to burst. I still have to study, so do you by the way, and this day is far from over. I do not have the energy for this conversation." He informed his brother and walked inside.

 

At this time of the day, they had a pretty full house. The only person still out was their father. Gabriel had brought the boys home from work while Castiel got the others from school which meant that all the kids were currently at home. Most of them doing their homework, others running around in the back yard, playing around.

 

 

Castiel spent the rest of his afternoon helping his siblings with their homework and trying to study himself. He did think he was gonna do well one way or another, but there is so such thing as being over-prepared when it came to their exams.

He felt himself growing tired even before dinner was ready. He was incredibly relieved when they got ready to eat, their father finally returning. He kissed each of the wives and hugged every child when he entered the house, just like every day.

 

This time, there was an unusual amount of conversation during dinner. They talked about the possibility of his sisters getting married again. Their father confirming that Uncle Metatron was thinking about making them his wives. Anna seemed to have warmed up the idea and seemed much more relaxed during the conversation.

"A new family moved down here, today." Their father mentioned casually, and Castiel looked up from his plate, eyes automatically meeting Balthazar's. He quickly looked away, eyes settling on his father. "The mother was born and raised in the community down in Bountiful, her husband, on the other hand, has only been part of our church for barely a year. Since he married her, actually." He continued.

"How was she allowed to marry an outsider?" Gabriel questioned before Castiel could even form the question in his mind.

"He left our community years ago, married a woman whose parents did not approve of him. They had to run away. He has lived in the outside world for years and never lost his faith. He's been given a chance do redeem himself. His job also might benefit the church. If done right, he could be a very valued and important member in no time." His father explained.

"His children on the other hand, were not raised appropriately. We will keep a close eye on them, see if we can clean and save their souls. One way or another, I don't want any of you to have any kind of contact with them. They are outsiders, stained by the smut of the world outside our community and I don't want them to rub off on any of you. Is that clear?" He finished.

"Yes, father" they answered.

 

 

After dinner, Castiel made sure all this brothers got ready for bed, sent their prayers and went to bed in time. It was never as hard to get them into bed as it was to get them out. When everyone was finally tucked it, and the whole house was quiet, he closed their door and turned the lights off, wishing everyone a good night before crawling under the covers himself.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed getting to know Castiel. :)  
> Until next time!


	3. 1. The Winchesters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets the Winchesters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up a teeny tiny bit shorter than the first one, but I wanted to make all chapters roughly the same size, and I succeeded. I, wo is usually a slow updater, am very proud to publish the next pages already, so don't rain on my parade. (Because there might be mistakes I missed since it's 1am where I am and I'm too tired to properly proof read this now.)

When Castiel opened his eyes again, much more relaxed than the morning before, it was Sunday. God's day. He sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, blinded by the morning sun that was already shining through the window. On Sundays, they were allowed to start their day a little less early, get an extra 2 hours of rest before attending their duties, which were minimal on this day. It was Sunday, after all. 

 

Sunday in Short Creek was their only free day. They were expected in church after breakfast for the mass. Colorado City and Hildale combined had over 8000 inhabitants and one church was nowhere near big enough for everyone, so the authorities made sure that enough were built. Families visiting the church that was closest to them. Castiel's father always said that splitting up their people into small church districts was unfortunate, but necessary. 

A Priest would read their scriptures and teach their beliefs for about an hour, reminding them of everything they already knew. After, they would all pray and sing songs together until the 2 hour mark had passed.

Then the children would stay behind for Sunday school, spending their time writing the prophets words over and over, listening to what was expected of them. It was never anything new, but Castiel would never allow himself to be bored by any of it.

 

When Sunday school was over the people went home and ate dinner. It was usually a little bigger and fancier than usual. A bottle of one of the better wine was opened, and the freshest and cleanest food was served. After they had eaten, they were free to do whatever they wanted. Well, whatever they wanted that wasn't against the rules. 

 

 

Sunday morning wasn't much different from every other morning, they still had to get up on a certain time and it took just as much effort to get everyone out of bed than it did on every other day of the week.

 

Castiel got up and started waking everyone up. Gabriel grumbled and swatted his hand away as Castiel tried to shake him awake. "Cassie please, for the love of God, leave me alone." Gabriel mumbled, causing Castiel to slap his arm. Gabriel cried out in pain, "Fine!" he spat, "I'm awake. No need for violence."

"Do not use the Lord's name in vain!" Castiel hissed, clenching his fists. Once again frustrated with his siblings behaviour. They were all raised right, so why did it seem like some of them refused to take it as seriously as Castiel did?! 

"Of course not. I forgot that you are walking scripture. I apologize." Gabriel said, sarcasm thick in his voice. 

"It's not me you need to apologize to." Castiel returned coldly before turning away to wake his other brothers, leaving the conflict unsolved. 

 

Sunday also meant dressing less casually. The men and boys wore a suit and the women and girls their best dresses, the ones in soft pastel colors, which would get dirty too quickly on a normal day. 

It was a hassle to get all of his brothers to look appropriate. The younger ones, and Gabriel, struggling to find a white button up that wasn't stained, and the older ones stressing about creases in theirs.

Getting ready took a lot longer than usual, for both the girls and the boys.

 

 

Their mothers always put a little more effort into Sunday breakfast and the prayer was a little longer. But except that, it wasn't much different.

Some of the kids shared their plans for the day with the others during breakfast, the mood much lighter than it was on other days. Anna, Adina and Muriel asked for money for new dresses to wear next week, since that was the day they would visit the prophet, wanting to look their best. Of course their father agreed, promising to hand it to them later.

Hannah and Hester wanted to visit a family not too far away. Their friend Sarah and her siblings had gotten a trampoline for their back yard and had invited them to come over to test it out. Mother-Naomi took it upon herself to go with and supervise them. 

Castiel ate in silence, he dreaded Sunday's. He usually took a long walk after Sunday school, then a bath, and then read and waited until the day was finally over. He didn't have friends to spend time with like all of his other siblings and he was too old and too boring to play with the youngest ones and the mothers. 

While Sunday was the favourite day of everyone else, Castiel disliked Sundays the most.

So while everyone else excitedly talked about the fantastic day they were about to have, Castiel stuffed himself with all the delicious breakfast food on the table until he felt ready to burst. 

 

 

When they were done, the wives hurried to clean up, while Gabriel and their father got everyone into their two family vans. The nearest church was still a little too far away to comfortably reach by foot, and they preferred not to sweat in their good clothing. 

It was still crowded, the older siblings ending up with younger ones on their lap, sweating anyways because the air was warm and stale inside the vehicles. 

Gabriel drove the van Castiel found himself in, their father the other one. Little Claire on Castiel's lap, and Anna, holding Esther, by his side. 

By the time they were all situated, the wives had joined them and they were ready to drive away.

 

It took less than 10 minutes to arrive at the church and Castiel felt like was going to be sick. He hated driving. His stomach protested violently every time he moved a little, reminding him that he really shouldn't have eaten this much during breakfast. He was dizzy, his head hurt, his lungs felt like they were being squeezed and he felt the need to swallow all the time, too much pressure on his stomach and throat. 

When they all exited the cars, the first breath of fresh air only worsened his nausea and he swayed lightly, catching himself by reaching out for Anna. 

"Castiel? Are you okay?" his sister asked, supporting him with a hand on his arm. "Car sick." he croaked. She frowned slightly, her eyes soft and pitying. He helped him to catch up with the rest of the family, who were already on their way into the church.

"Father, Castiel is not feeling well." Anna called, causing him to turn around and take a closer look at Castiel. They made their way towards him, Castiel leaning heavily on Anna, his knees feeling weak. As soon as they were close enough their father put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, inspecting his son. 

Mother-Naomi noticed them, frowned and looked up at the clock that hung high on the church wall. "We should be inside by now." She said to her husband, who rubbed his chin in thought. 

"Anael, get him to one of the benches over there." He decided and pointed in said direction. "Castiel, stay there for a while and come inside when you feel better." he decided, Anna and Castiel nodding along. "Make sure you don't miss to much. You know how important church attendance is." Their father said sternly before turning his attention back on the rest of his family. "Everyone! Hurry along." He stressed, working on getting the whole family inside the building along with everyone else. 

 

Anna and Castiel made their way over the lawn to one of the benches on the church property. They got a few looks from the other families that arrived but both of them did their best to ignore them and not do anything that could hurt their families reputation.

Anna led him over, waiting until he sat down before she left in a hurry, throwing a quick wave and a "See you inside!" over her shoulder before disappearing into the building. 

 

 

Castiel groaned, a little upset that his family had abandoned him this quickly and slumped down a little. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself and make the feeling that he might throw up any second go away. It didn't work.

Castiel didn't know how long he sat there, his eyes closed to drown out the rest of the world, until he heard voices. Which was weird, because everyone should already be inside. 

"Great. First day and we're already late. We can throw our 'making a good first impression' plan out of the window now." The words didn't make any sense to him, the voice sounded familiar, but nobody he knew would refer to today as their 'first day.' First day of what? Church? That would be ridiculous. 

He came to the conclusion that he had probably misheard, his head was killing him. 

 

 

He stopped listening to them until a completely unfamiliar voice caught his attention. Because said unfamiliar voice was talking to him. 

 

"Hey, man, you okay?" it asked and Castiel slowly tore his eyes open, meeting the brightest green eyes he had ever seen. For some reason he was suddenly wide awake, lifting himself up so he sat a little straighter. 

"Good. You're alive." Green Eyes said. Castiel took his entire face in, and decided that he had never seen him before. His hair was full and short and Castiel counldn't decide if it was a dark blonde or a light warm brown. His lips were a little fuller than you would expect from a boy but they suited his face perfectly. His features were strong and prominent, making him look older than he probably was and he was close enough that Castiel could count the freckles that dusted his cheeks and the bridge of his nose if he wanted to. 

The stranger leaned away and a strange rush of disappointment traveled through Castiel's body. He didn't understand why and decided to ignore it. 

"You look a little green in the face. D'you need something? Water maybe?" The boy asked and Castiel was stunned by his kindness. It was unusual for strangers to try and take care of people that weren't part of their family. 

"No- I- ...I'ts fi-" he started to protest, but Green Eyes interrupted quickly. "None of that." He said. "You don't look fine. And the first lesson life teaches you is; water makes everything better. Sammy, go back and get the water out of the car, would'ya?" 

Castiel heard another voice behind Green Eyes, belonging to a younger boy. "Sure. Just a minute." It said, followed by the sounds of someone running down the street. 

"That's really not necessary. I don't want to inconvenience you." Castiel said, still wary. He was sure that he had never seen this young man before. Their community was big and it was impossible to know everyone by name but is was very unusual to see someone you had never laid eyes on before. Especially in your own church district. 

"No worries." Green Eyes assured. "Name's Dean. Dean Winchester." The stranger said, holding out his hand. Castiel took it, and then froze, probably squeezing Green Eye's- ...Dean's hand a little too hard. 

 

Winchester. Of course. That was just his luck. Dean started to eye him funnily and Castiel suddenly realized that he was still waiting for an answer. "Castiel Novak." He pressed out and dropped Dean's hand, not wanting to be rude. It didn't really matter anyways, he had already broken his fathers rules, one way or another. 

Suddenly it clicked, he familiar voice before had belonged to the man driving the unfamiliar car. John Winchester, Dean's father. He looked around trying to spot the rest of the Winchester family, but they seemed to be inside already. 

"Nice to meet you, Castiel. Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Dean asked, sitting down next to Castiel. Now that he knew, it was obvious that Dean wasn't from around here. The way he talked, the way he held himself, it all pointed to something Castiel was completely unfamiliar with. He was intrigued. 

"Car sick." Castiel explained shortly and Dean grinned. "Wow, sucks for you, dude. I've never met some that could get car sick." Castiel raised his eyebrows. "I have never met someone who talked like that." He shot back, causing Dean to grin wider. It made him feel good for some reason. "Yeah, sorry about that. I got some adjustments to make. S'my first time living in... a city like this." He explained. 

"Yes. I am aware." Castiel answered. 

Dean laughed. "Of course you are. They already warned ya about us?" Castiel tilted his head. "You could say that." 

He studied Dean closer. He tried to think about all the sins Dean has probably committed, how he should be disgusted to have a son of perdition, an outsider, an immoral person, so close to him, but all he can see is a bright and happy young man with sparkling clear eyes in a slightly rumpled suit, and he finds it really hard to believe that he would find a corrupted soul somewhere in there. 

 

That's when the younger boy returned, jogging towards them in what looked like the same suit, holding a bottle of water. "Ah. That's my little brother. Sammy." Dean announced when he arrived and the younger boy frowned. He seemed to be almost as tall as Dean, which was weird, because his voice and face suggested that he was surely a few years younger. 

"Sam." He said, grinning, handing Castiel the water bottle. He had floppy dark brown hair, thick bangs covering his forehead, warm hazel eyes and an even warmer smile."Thank you, Sam. Castiel." He said, taking the bottle, remembering how sick he still felt. "What?" Sam said, still smiling at him. "That's his name, dumbass." Dean explained and Castiel glared at him. Sam blushed at first, but started laughing as soon as he noticed Castiel's expression. "Oh, yeah, no swearing. Sorry." Dean apologized, catching on, but the damage was done.

Castiel drank some water, unable to relax again. It really did help a little and even though he wasn't feeling up to it, he decided to go inside. He handed the bottle back to Sam. "It was nice to meet you, thank you for the water. But I really should not be talking to you and I am expected inside. Excuse me." He said, standing up abruptly. There was a long silence behind him as he started to walk away, the Winchesters seemingly not knowing what to say next, or if they should say anything at all. Castiel hoped they'd choose the latter. "Cas, wait!" he heard Dean's voice behind him. 

Castiel didn't turn around again. 

 

 

If he was entirely honest with himself, he didn't listen to a word the priest said. All the could think about were the two brothers that had entered the church building a few minutes after him. The two brothers that....were nothing like he expected them to be. They didn't seem dangerous or wrong to him, quite the opposite actually. 

But Castiel knew better than to trust his own judgment when his father had already made it very clear what he expected from them. Dean's language was also proof enough that they weren't on the right path, that they weren't with God. And everyone that wasn't with Him, was against Him. Castiel really hoped that both of them would be able to change their ways, it would be a shame if it was too late.

Cas, he recalled. Dean had called him Cas. 

He wasn't sure now he felt about a stranger giving him a nickname. Especially without his permission. Although he already liked it much better than Cassie, which he hadn't authorized either, now that he thought about it. But that was his family, that was different. 

"Cas." He murmured to himself, tasting the unfamiliar name in his mouth. He remembered Dean saying it, his voice crystal clear in Castiel's head. It made him feel strangely warm inside. For some reason, that didn't bother him at all, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that it should. 

 

 

Mass flew by, Castiel's head was too full to concentrate on anything the priest said or did. He even forgot the text to some of the songs, songs he sung since he was old enough to speak! He hoped his family would blame his lack of concentration on him being ill, but the truth was that Castiel hadn't really been feeling ill at all anymore since he had entered the church. 

When everyone left, he spotted the Winchester family. Dean, Sam their mother Kate, their father John and a baby in Kate Winchesters arms. No other children in sight. A family of five? That was pretty unusual. Actually, nonexistent was a more fitting term, since Castiel couldn't think of any family with less than 5 children. Especially since Sam and Dean were young men already. Children their age usually had at least more than 10 siblings. The people around them seemed to think similar things, judging on the suspicion in their eyes as they looked upon the small family. 

 

Outside, the kids old enough for Sunday school, which for the Novaks meant everyone but Claire and Esther, said goodbye to their parents to make their way over to Sunday school, which was held in the building right behind the church. 

"Castiel, we will take you home with us now." His father said as Castiel went to excuse himself and leave with his siblings. He froze on the spot as soon as his father had finished his sentence. "Why?" Balthazar asked hastily, confusion and envy etched into his face. 

"Balthazar! Language." Mother-Rachel warned. 

"He isn't feeling good. We'd rather have him home and rest." their father answered, his tone suggesting that that was anything but the reason he wanted Castiel home before everyone else. 

Neither Castiel or Balthazar objected. Castiel nodded stiffly and waved his siblings goodbye before following his parents back to the cars. They took both of the cars home, one being driven by their father, one by Mother-Naomi. This was the first time Castiel drove in a car that wasn't full of too many people, and it was much easier to bear. It would have been quite nice actually, if there wasn't this heavy weight squirming in his gut, nervous about what his father wanted to talk about. 

 

A week ago, Castiel wouldn't have been worried, he would have thought that it was something about his siblings, or school, or his future. But now, for the first time in his life, he actually had things to hide. For the first time, he was guilty of something. He had never felt worse about himself. 

When they arrived home, the wives hurried into the kitchen to prepare dinner while his father walked into his study, gesturing for Castiel to follow. Inside, they both sat down. Zachariah Novak behind his desk, Castiel in front of it. The silence stretched uncomfortably and Castiel started fidgeting nervously. 

 

His father folded his hands together. "Well, son. I believe there is something you need to tell me." he spoke calmly and Castiel's heart started hammering painfully in his rib cage. He didn't know what his father was talking about. Was this about Balthazar? He thought in panic. He hadn't made a decision about that yet. What did his father expect him to say?!

"I noticed how the Winchester boys entered the church shortly after you. And your eyes kept shifting towards them. I don't remember you being a particularly nosy person in the past, so I figured that something must have happened. Are you going to start keeping things from me, Castiel?" His father accused sternly and Castiel visibly flinched in his seat. 

"No. Of course not, father. I-... The older Winchester brother noticed that I wasn't feeling well, so he and his brother gave me some water. I didn't know who they were. As soon as I found out, I thanked them for it and informed them that I don't want to be speaking to them." It was a half-truth and Castiel hoped that it was enough to not count as a lie. 

"Well, that small act of kindness is surprising, but does not change the way we think about them, right Castiel?" His father asked coldly and Castiel nodded fiercely. "That also doesn't explain why you absolutely disrespected the mass by paying no attention to anything that was being said." His father pointed out and Castiel's blood ran cold. 

"I'm so sorry." He said sincerely. "They are just so...different. And it was distracting me." He said, struggling to defend his actions. "The way they talked outside, it completely threw me off. It will never happen again." 

 

His father was silent for a few seconds. "For the next two weeks I'm going to double your chores and you will work extra hours. During that time I want you to pray extra hard and beg God for His forgiveness. You know He does not take these things lightly." His father announced and Castiel felt close to crying. Not once had anyone ever told him that God was anything but proud of him and it hurt to know that he had let his father and the Lord down like that. He hated it. He hated knowing that he had broken his fathers rules, he hated knowing that he had broken God's rules. 

He had been so stupid. How could he not have thought about the consequences of his actions. He had been selfish and naive to think that he would get away with any of this, and he had been idiotic enough to not fear God's judgment. 

 

His father dismissed him and Castiel fled to his room without another word. Stumbling to the wall he broke down into a kneeling position in front of the cross that hung there and prayed. He prayed silently, his eyes shut tightly so the tears he would not allow himself to cry couldn't escape. He apologized for the wrong he had done, promised God to be perfectly obedient from now on, promised to respect every single one of His and his fathers wishes, and promised to never talk to the Winchesters again. 

He repeated all of it over and over again, praying until the knots in his stomach disappeared and he felt like he had been granted a chance to make it up to them.

 

 

His siblings arrived not long after he stopped praying, too hungry to ask Castiel about what had happened. Castiel was grateful. He didn't think he could ever talk about this incident to anyone, shame heavy on his heart. 

 

Dinner tasted like nothing, and Castiel was sure that that was part of his punishment. There was tension in the air, the rest of the family finally catching up on what was going on. Yet, thankfully, nobody asked any questions. Castiel cleared his plate in record time, and patiently waited until the rest of the family was finished too, purposely not meeting anyone's eyes the entire time. 

As soon as they were being dismissed, Castiel wanted to get back into his room, study the prophet's word and make everything right again. But Anna caught him before he could get up the stairs, and pulled him to the side.

 

"Castiel. What happened? What did you do?" she asked, holding onto his wrist. "Talked to the Winchesters." He answered shortly, wanting to put this conversation behind him as soon as possible. "You..- Wow, Cassie, I'm impressed. You of all people." She said and Castiel tensed up, hurt by her statement. He did not need another reminder that everybody had relied on him to be good, and he had disappointed them. 

"What did you talk to them about. Do you know their names? The older one is really handsome." She continued, tone casual and Castiel wrestled his arm out of her grip forcefully, stung by a feeling he had never experienced before. For some reason, it didn't sit right with him that Anna thought Dean was handsome. It should be because she was practically a promised woman and adoring a man that wasn't her future husband, but that wasn't it. It was something else and Castiel did not like it one bit. "You should not care about their names." he forced out, sounding angrier than he actually was. 

Anna seemed shocked, looking at Castiel like he had been the one to make a mistake right then. "Whoa, please calm down, Castiel." she said softly, not daring to raise her voice against someone of higher status than her, even though she looked like she really wanted to. "No. Anna, I don't know what has been going on with you lately, not appreciating that you are to be married and making comments like that about another man, but it has to stop! You cannot act like that and you know it. God will not allow you to get away with it. I will have to report what you just said to our father." Anna flinched, looking like she was about to protest, but Castiel understood that she knew better. "Okay, Castiel. I'm sorry." She said, not meeting his eye. As soon as Castiel nodded in confirmation, she stormed off. 

 

Castiel didn't want to talk to their father again, he was certain he would not be able to meet his fathers eyes until he had done all he could to redeem himself. So he went to Mother-Naomi, telling her in short clipped sentences what had happened between Anna and him. Mother Naomi grimaced. "I hoped that this could be avoided, but it is time to bring that girl into a session with our priest. She needs to understand what it means to disobey and that pleasing God should always be her first priority. You have done the right thing, Castiel. God surely appreciates your efforts." She said, patting his cheek affectionately, her words making Castiel feel warm inside. 

He wondered if he should feel guilty for betraying Anna like that, and decided that no, he shouldn't. He reminded himself of everything Mother-Naomi had said, that he should always try to please God, that he had done the right thing. 

He knew he had done the right thing, so why did he not feel like he did?

**Author's Note:**

> say hi: connorscutie.tumblr.com


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